I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
