Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
