dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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