i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
