There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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