I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
only you would photoshop your dick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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