im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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