omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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