omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
