I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
