we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
