He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
