so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
