Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
