you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
