Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am one with the molecules
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
