connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
