Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
