I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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