who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
