Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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