woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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