How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
