Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
be right there i have to get my cape
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
