I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
