I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
