Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
