you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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