I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't deserve a penis
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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