I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
