i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
