The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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