I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
