thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
