U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
