I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
