So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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