why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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