I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
