I wish I could teleport
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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