He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
