i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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