I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
