I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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