forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The adults are the big ones right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
