smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
