What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
