Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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