why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
