Can Purell be used as lube?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
